Hey, Livejournal, remember me? I've been living life (sort of) and cheating on you (Tumblr, anyone?). A couple of weeks ago, I started going through the archives on this thing. I've had this journal since 2005. It's so embarrassing and wonderful to read the younger version of myself. To essentially read myself as I've grown up (a bit). (Also super fun to find my first Livejournal from 2000). Going back and seeing how I barely update made me a little sad. I no longer document my despair or loneliness. I contain my happiness and I just don't feel things like I did back then. But how in the world will I remember who I am now in the next ten years? I wont and maybe that's just fine.

My days are similar in structure, different in topics. They're blurs of early mornings, delicious lattes, bitches, fast, education, long days, coffee, papers, novels, slow music, short sleeps, dresses, familiar and unfamiliar faces, more coffee and a lot of wondering. I'm hoping one day this whole life thing will make some fuckin' sense.

Until then...

Everything is falling [failing] and I'm included in that.

When someone sends me a text, I instantaneously respond. If it's an email or message, I take a little more time (assuming I am near a computer), but it's answered. Regardless of the medium and attention it requires, I always respond within a few hours. A correspondence with me will never go unanswered beyond the span of a day. I understand that people have lives outside of the internet or their phones, but aren't the three interconnected? I am beginning to feel like the quickness in my attentiveness throws people off. Forcing them to reassess me as a person.

There is maybe only one person who appears to function under the same stipulations that I do. In a way, it's comforting, but at this point, it's expected and when the responses are less than frequent, I know why. Everyone else takes their time, slowing me down, and feeding me no real response. Not to their absence or to the questions at hand. I am not suggesting that people give me their undivided attention, always (or ever), but it would be nice if I felt understood.

I do not refer to this as being "obsessed with technology" or "having no life", I just see this as the etiquette of existing in the modern world.